Betting on the Habs is an Insult to Math

I hate to sound like a big wheel, but I play in the Southern Barrhaven Semi-Professional Invitational Garage Dart League (SBSPIGDL) on Thursday Nights.


Southern Barrhaven dart legends like Yabs, Little Nicky, Bill the Bills Fan, Skinny James, Browner, Jay-Boy, Fabs, Coach Jordan, and Smokin’ Joel battle it out for dart supremacy on the mean streets of South Barrhaven. It costs a quarter to buy in for the night and all proceeds go to a new dart board. Each game you play costs a quarter and sometimes if you are in last place you have to pay an extra quarter. Again, not to brag, but I have won a few games here and there and have taken a purse of $2.25 - all in quarters!


The real money, however, is not in the darts; it is in 6-pack prop bets.

It is never enough for us to just play darts. There is constant chatter about their “Keeper NFL and NHL leagues”, fantasy pool standings, NHL draft boards, FanDuel parlays and every other bet under the sun. Those bets still pale in comparison to the 6-pack futures bets that really get the heart racing. What is it about being a man and betting a 6-pack that can change the atmosphere of even the most boring sporting event?


The league has a sacred chalkboard in the garage devoted to futures bets that involve 6-packs of beer and constant pressure. Once the bet is written in chalk, you are duty bound by the terms. Any darter (slang for dart player) can offer a futures bet for a 6-pack and anyone in the group can pick a side. Based on my experience with these darters, I’m starting to think they do not respect the Habs.


I’m new to the league this season and I found myself very intrigued by the sacred chalkboard. By November I mustered up the courage to try and get my name in chalk.


I approached Little Nicky in early November and I said, “I will bet you a 6-pack that Montreal wins less than 22.5 games this year.” Keeping in mind, when I proposed this bet, there were still 65 games to be played. Little Nicky laughed at me and said there is no way he would take the over on that bet. Looking at the Habs’ record of 6-21-3 right now, I’m starting to think he is correct. Can you honestly see them winning more than 22 games? They are on pace for 20.5 wins as I type this.


Little Nicky clearly did not want to insult math.


Desperate for some betting action, I tried a different tact. I approached the group at-large the same night and said, “I will bet you the Habs finish bottom 3 in the league.” I mean, someone has to take that bet, right? They were in the Stanley Cup Final last year. Surely they won’t finish bottom 3 in the league. It bears repeating: there were 65 games left at the time!!! Still no takers. They are firmly in the 31st spot in the league right now. The Islanders hold that coveted 4th-last spot, 4 points ahead of the Habs with 6 games in hand. The Senators hold the 3rd-last spot, 4 points up with 4 games in hand.


To think the Habs will finish anywhere above 30th in the league is an insult to math.


Speaking of the Senators, I finally got to be on the famous chalkboard. Last week Smokin’ Joel finally had enough of my betting terms and approached me with an offer. He said, “I will bet you the Senators finish with more wins than the Habs.” I thought, is this guy serious? The team with the 2 Pierres, one of whom proclaimed the rebuild was over? The team with the owner that can’t stay out of his own way? The team ravaged by Covid? The team that is such a disaster that they can’t even get Alfie to work for them? Like taking candy from a baby, I thought. I accepted the bet. Poor Smokin’ Joel, he just lost 6 beer. That was then.


What a difference a week makes. As I write this, the Senators have 9 wins and are on pace for a 30-win season. For the Habs to get 30 wins they need to go 24-28 the rest of the season which is a 0.461 win%. Based on their current 0.250 win%, that seems impossible.


Looks like I owe Smokin’ Joel a 6 pack of beer.


Looks like I really owe math an apology.


By Waldo1947 | The Disgruntled Habs Fan